The memory drifts in from twenty years ago with the kind of clarity that makes it feel like it happened just yesterday. I remember waking up full of eager anticipation, convinced I could orchestrate the perfect day of Christmas preparations.
In my ambitious enthusiasm, I set the agenda: we would pick out our tree, decorate the house, bake cookies, and take holiday photos—all neatly packed into a single, cheerful day. By 2 p.m., of course, the cracks were showing. There were tears over cookies that refused to behave, debates over turns for the bathroom mirror, endless negotiations about wardrobe for photos, and the dogs happily polishing off the treats cooling on the counter.
The lesson that settled in, gently but firmly—y— Just because activities ‘fit on the calendar’ doesn’t mean it is a wise idea. Holiday magic rarely arrives when we squeeze three days of joy into one afternoon. Rather, it shows up more reliably when we leave room for breathing, laughter, and a plan that honors reality as much as enthusiasm.
The holidays hold the promise of joy, connection, and meaningful memories—but they also tend to bring a heavy to-do list, disrupted routines, and the unspoken pressure to create “perfect moments.” Social media has only magnified that pressure, often making it feel like everyone else is getting it right.
For many parents, it’s a combination that can easily tip into overwhelm.
The reassuring news is that with a few intentional shifts, a holiday season that feels calmer, more grounded, and genuinely connected—for both you and your children—is achievable.
Some of the families we support have shared their holiday challenges, and what they have learned through New Agenda’s executive function coaching.
The Double-Booked Disaster
A parent shared that they accidentally RSVP’d to two events on the same night and only realized it when explaining to their child why they were wearing a sparkly holiday sweater to a karate belt ceremony. The takeaway was clear: when the schedule turns into a blur, everyone feels the strain.
1. Avoid Over-Scheduling: Protect Breathing Room in the Calendar
It’s easy to say yes to every concert, gathering, and long-standing family tradition—until the calendar starts to resemble a color-coded game of Tetris. Children (and adults) need pockets of quiet to stay grounded and fully present. Allow time on your schedule to ‘be’.
- Pick a handful of “must-do” traditions and let the rest be optional
- Keep at least one unscheduled day each week
- Remember: declining an invitation is sometimes the healthiest choice
A lighter calendar often leads to a more peaceful home—and more room for genuine connection.
The Lights Tour Turnaround
One family shared that they’d squeezed in a holiday lights tour right after the last school day before break. Ten minutes into the drive, their oldest sighed, “I’m too tired to be dazzled.” Even the magic couldn’t compete with exhaustion. They learned that even joyful activities need space to breathe.
2. Pace Activities: Spread Out the Fun Instead of Stacking It
Holiday stress rarely comes from what you’re doing—it’s the stacking of too many good things into too small a window. Kids need time to reset between stimulating experiences.
- Limit the day to one major outing
- Break big holiday tasks into small, manageable steps
- Alternate busy events with quieter moments at home
When activities are paced well, children stay more regulated—and parents do too.
The Missing Shoe Mystery
A parent reported that their child lost his shoes between the bedroom and the front door—twice—in the same hour. The more they rushed, the more the shoes seemed to disappear. (They eventually resurfaced in the pantry.) The quiet lesson: transitions need margin.
3. Allow Extra Time for Transitions
Transitions multiply during the holidays: getting out the door, bouncing between relatives’ homes, shifting from excitement to calm. Rushing through these moments is one of the quickest paths to meltdowns.
- Add 10–15 extra minutes to every transition
- Offer simple countdowns (“Five minutes until coats,” “Two minutes until we leave”)
- Prep bags, outfits, or supplies the night before
- Build in time for children to settle in during arrivals and departures
When transitions slow down, the whole day follows suit.
The Cookie Catastrophe That Became a Tradition
One mom laughingly admitted she accidentally burned an entire batch of cookies during a whirlwind of wrapping paper chaos. Instead of starting over, they crumbled the salvageable bits over ice cream. The kids declared it the best “recipe” ever, and now they purposely “mess up” at least one batch each year. Often imperfection is what creates the memory.
4. Choose Shared Activities Over Perfect Ones
Children don’t need elaborate plans to feel the holiday spirit—they need warm, shared experiences with the adults they trust.
Simple Shared Activities:
- Hot chocolate nights
- Walking or driving to see neighborhood lights
- Easy, low-pressure crafts
- A cozy holiday movie
- Decorating just one small corner of the home together
Connection—not perfection—is what children remember.
The Overextended Elf
One family skipped their child’s bedtime rhythm on Christmas Eve with the cheerful mantra, “It’s the holidays!” Hours later, their child was wide awake at midnight asking detailed questions about Santa’s travel logistics. The reminder? Even festive seasons benefit from familiar rhythms.
5. Keep Routine Anchors Steady—Even When the Days Shift
Holiday schedules ebb and flow, but a few steady anchors help children feel safe, regulated, and emotionally steady.
Anchors might include:
- Predictable sleep routines
- Consistent mealtimes
- Regular movement breaks
- Short moments of quiet downtime
- A daily check-in
These touchpoints act like emotional bookends—especially during an unpredictable season.
Final Thoughts: Choose Presence Over Pressure
Holiday stress often stems from chasing expectations that no family can realistically meet. The heart of the season isn’t found in perfectly executed plans—it’s in the slow, connected moments that anchor us to each other.
By protecting breathing room, pacing activities, allowing gentle transitions, and choosing shared experiences over perfection, you create a holiday season that feels grounded, manageable, and deeply joyful.
A calmer holiday doesn’t require a miracle—it simply requires space for the moments that truly matter.
